my mom.

Happy Late Christmas everyone! I hope it was joyful and lovely and all that you hoped for. I’m sad that the holidays are over, but glad to have had such a wonderful time with my family. I just love them so.

And speaking of family, I feel the need to tell you just how incredible my mom is. I know, I know, we all think of our mothers this way—and as we should—moms are pretty amazing! I’ve always known my mom is the sweetest, most caring person I’ve ever known, but this just about brought me to tears…

Like many churches, my church that I grew up in had a food basket delivery program during the holidays for less fortunate individuals/families. When I was 8 years old or so, my family delivered a basket to a middle to older-aged woman named Vicky. She was so sweet and so grateful and I remember my mom staying connected with her via phone calls, cards, etc. for many years to come, but never thought much of it after a few years. Well, the other night just before Christmas, I was looking through all the Christmas cards my parents had received and being shocked at how much some people have grown up over the years. And then I came across a card that read “Thank you so much for the present and card...Merry Christmas, etc...Love, Vicky.” I asked my mom if this happened to be the same Vicky from the food baskets, thinking that surely they had lost touch by now.

Wrong.

17 years and two moves later, my mother still keeps up with Vicky and has become a true friend of hers. I was in awe. My sweet mother has not only kept up with her but has still been sending her gifts. My mom’s response…”I’ve learned a lot from her…she’s so inspiring.” My mom says that poor Vicky has so many health problems from working hard labor jobs and is with hardly any money at all…and yet she never complains about anything, but is instead so grateful for all that she has. Now I'm inspired.

I can’t believe how lucky I am to have that woman as my mother.

Whoa.

Wow. So it’s been a minute since I’ve posted but I like to think it’s because I’m super busy all the time and can hardly find the time to eat (this is a complete lie—I always find time to eat, and I’m really not that SUPER busy). Anyway, the Christmas season is upon us and I’m loving it and holding on to every bit of it as tightly as I can, because, let’s be honest…January and February kind of blow (with the exception of my birthday, that is). I turn into a complete homebody during those months because I’m the exact opposite of delightful when I’m cold and I’d rather stay inside wearing my sweatpants and drinking cocoa than tackle the tremendous feat of getting outside. Reason #714 why I think I might be turning 85 instead of 25…

But look how happy that old lady is!

You should...

Head over to my friend Olivia's blog for an incredible giveaway! Oh, how I want to win!

The lovely Chloe from one of my favorite blogs suggested that if we’re bored that we participate in the Sugar Doll award. And since I’m beyond bored, I think I’ll do just that. Here are 10 things you probably don’t know about me…or maybe you do?

1. I think Gatorade and flavored water are gross.
2. I went through a phase in the third and fourth grades where I was terrified to sleep by myself, so I slept on the floor next to my parents’ bed every single night. It got so bad that they tried to bribe me with the promise of new toys.
3. I cannot sleep without a fan or similar noise.
4. “Cheersing” (like ‘cheers’ to a great weekend!) more than one time in a setting really irritates me and I usually just won’t participate after the first go around. Call me a party pooper.
5. I am highly allergic to V-8 Splash. Like hives kind of allergic. And the worst part is I love it and wish I could drink it.
6. The only things I really miss since becoming vegan are fake spray butter (gross, I know) and holiday flavored coffee creamer.
7. I won “Most Outgoing” in the high school senior superlatives, which is funny because I can also be very much the ‘keep to myself’ type.
8. I reluctantly went camping and rafting in the Grand Canyon for 4 days and it turned into one of the best experiences ever.
9. I must brush my teeth before putting my daily face lotion on and wash my hair last in the shower. It completely jacks my day up if I don’t.
10.The act of anyone farting or hearing fart stories or jokes is the funniest thing in the world to me and it will never get old. Screw chocolate as the way into my heart—tell me a good fart story within the first 3 dates and you’re there!

Consider yourself tagged if you too are bored and need something to do!

a new era

Yesterday was a strange day. I had two very significant realizations that completely took me by surprise. I’m still processing all of this, as it could very well be a fluke and this new found awareness could go flying out the window. But for now, I’m embracing it and it feels good.

1. I have always been an avid hater on the fall season. It makes me anxious and out of my element. Also, I’ve been known to challenge the cooler weather by raising it a sundress and usually end up getting my ass kicked. However, this fall has been rather enjoyable and I’ve found that I somewhat like it. This is a huge deal for me—ask my friends and they’ll tell you I usually avoid fall like the plague. But not this year. I’m a fall lover (well, atleast liker). And I feel like a pretty cool cat for this.

2. I only eat red apples, but after a friend told me about a delicious salad recipe involving Granny Smith apples, I began using them. I thought it was a salad-only love affair, but yesterday I ate one whole and my taste buds did a little jig! This means I have another fruit to choose from and I don’t have to decline offers when there is a “green apple only” situation. I’m not racist!

homesick

I think I’m homesick. It’s strange to use the term homesick when you’ve lived away from your parents and “home city” for over six years, but it still has a way of getting to me. Nostalgic is probably a more appropriate term.

I miss my house and neighborhood in Raleigh. I miss the comfort and naivety of being in high school. I miss my morning routine with my parents in high school (which I took advantage of at the time and would do a lot to have that routine now). Every morning I came downstairs and drank coffee with my parents and played with my dog who was much more concerned with my mother’s buttered toast that may or may not fall to the floor. I would then go shower and get ready for school before returning downstairs to put my English muffin or bagel in the toaster, and then run out the door with breakfast, shoes, backpack, and usually a juice box in hand. Actually, one time I completely forgot to grab my shoes and drove all the way to school before realizing my oversight. I was not a happy camper.

I still view my morning routine as somewhat sacred, but it’s much different now. I still drink my coffee or tea, but while watching the Today Show or Sabrina the Teenage Witch (don’t you dare judge me). I still play with my dog. And I still don’t eat my breakfast first thing (I wait until I get to work). But I do this by myself. Like a big girl. And most of the time I love it. I enjoy my quiet time in the morning, but sometimes I wish I had savored those mornings with my family more, because I sure do miss them lately. [insert my mother's tears here]

What do you miss? What are some routines of yours that stem from old family tradtions?

ch-ch-change

I need your help dear friends. I’ve desperately wanted a change lately…nothing too big, but just something. Whether that is simply a new, bright shade of lipstick, or dying my hair, or something else…I don’t know. Dying my hair is a big deal because I’m terrified of losing my natural color, but still think it could be fun! So, please send me suggestions, ideas, warnings, anything! See photo in my last post for current hair color/style and see picture below for color I might consider dying it to. Thanks lovely readers!

goals

Who I am…

-I am extremely sensitive and take things personally
-I relentlessly compare myself to others.
-I am so indecisive that it gets on my own nerves. I even regret my decision of food choice at restaurants 75% of the time.
-I have tons of ideas and things I want to create and do, but fear holds me back from doing a lot of that.
-I am really self-conscious most of the time.
-I dislike few people, but when those people are in my presence it literally makes my blood pressure rise and I want to kick and scream.
-I am easily swayed by other people’s opinions


Who I want to eventually be…

-I don’t want to change my sensitiveness because it’s a huge part of who I am, but I’d like to get to a point where I don’t take everything so personally
-I would like to get over this irrational and time-wasting behavior and be my own person, flaws and all. There will always be someone that has or does something better than me. Not to mention I have all I need.
-I want to confidently make a decision and stick to it no matter what. If it was the wrong decision, learn from it and move on.
-Take baby steps in turning my ideas and dreams into something real--even if it’s a tiny version of that idea. Suck it, fear.
-I am determined to be confident in my own skin one of these days. I’ve come a long way so I know I am capable of getting to a healthier place.
-I would prefer not to let those I dislike get to me. It’s really only me it’s affecting anyway.
-I want to make decisions for myself without getting other’s inputs and thinking every possible outcome through. Instincts are there for a reason and I need to learn to trust them and live a little.



All that being said, I feel like I’m in a good place right now. Today’s lunch date with my good friend Em brightened it so!

it's not thanksgiving yet, but i'm still thankful

It’s time for a grateful list, because it’s been one of those days where I’m focusing on way too much negative and not nearly enough positive.

-my mom and dad—for a whole bunch of reasons
-my love for cooking—I don’t know what I’d do without it
-puppy love kisses from him
-a car that heats up fast
-Hershey’s Special Dark Cocoa powder
-quiet alone time in the morning before work (while watching Sabrina, the Teenage Witch...don't judge)

What are you thankful for today?


Oh, and a very happy Halloween to everyone! Be safe and eat lots of junk.

anyone?

Today I sort of just want someone to take care of me. I want someone to draw me a bubble bath. And cook me authentic Indian food. And then maybe serve the Indian food to me in the bath. And then to top off a good evening, go pick up some vegan chocolate mousse from Whole Foods and feed it to me while rubbing my feet. I may be a bit pissy today, but I’m not mean enough to make BF do all this.

I’ve felt so unmotivated about everything lately. I can’t seem to get out of feeling like this, even though I know it’s up to me to change it.

Do you ever get in these ruts that seem to make you feel lousy? I hate them. Suggestions?

POKE-a-boo

Yesterday I read a post from the lovely Jalene who had her best friend tell the most awkward date story ever. I had to stifle my laughter under a blanket so I couldn’t be heard at work. So, it got me thinking about my most awkward date (which doesn’t even compare to the abovementioned story), and made me cringe with awkwardness.

I can’t remember whether I was a junior or senior in high school, but I had made a new friend named Annie. My parents made me go to church growing up but I refused to go to theirs and therefore followed Annie to hers. Enter Alex. Alex went to a different school and he was all about me. He immediately got my Instant Messenger screen name (duh) from Annie so we could chat the other six days a week that I wasn’t in his presence at church. Well, about 3 weeks in Alex starts casually mentioning his Winter formal coming up at his school and it all of a sudden became very clear what his intentions were (I was a bit of an oblivious one). And about 2 days later he asked me to the dance, to which I responded “You don’t’ want me to go—I don’t really like dances and I wouldn’t be fun.” That wasn’t enough for young Alex—he was a serious Go Getter and wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I finally agreed and decided it might be fun if I gave it a shot.

NO.

I arrived to take the classic pictures at one of his friend’s house in my, unbeknownst to me, hideous magenta gown. As we all lined up boy-girl-boy-girl, corsages itching the shit out of us, I felt a stiff poke behind me. Yes, overzealous little Alex had a raging boner during the awkward photo shoot. I was repulsed. I remember feeling nauseous and anxiously plotting my escape. I had to get out of there stat. Being the “follow-througher” that I am, I managed to stick it out through the actual dance, but lied and told him my mom said I had to be home by 10 p.m. 10 p.m. for a dance? Who was going to believe that? Luckily, Alex did and I made it home without having to sneak out during a bathroom break and having a friend pick me up. I’m pretty sure I avoided him with extreme fervor for the next two years…until he announced he was going to the same college as me…10 hours away.

Irony. Not a fan? Alright.

What is your most awkward date story? Please share! I would love to hear.

a clean start

Well, my Gmail account was hacked the other day and in a complete state of panic I cancelled my account without thinking of all the consequences. And since Blogger is connected to my google account, I lost my blog of 2 years...gone in an instant. I had a crying fest on Monday night and Tuesday morning, but have now decided to embrace it and start fresh with a new blog. So here we go friends...please follow my new one!